Taking Off The Gloves

[Tim Bruening]

Anonymity: Unnamed glove.

Amity: Friendly glove.

Bammit: To hit a glove hard.

Bar Mitzvah: Jewish glove coming of age.

Calamity: Disastrous glove.

Claimmit: Ceramic glove.

Clammit: Shelled aquatic glove.

Conformity: Glove that blends in, follows the rules, doesn't rock the
boat.

Consummit: Eating glove.

Committee: Glove meeting.

Comity: Laughing glove.

Deformity: Mutant glove.

Doommit: Glove that ends.

Dormitory: Where British Conservative gloves sleep.

Enmity: Hostile glove.

[Tim Bruening]

Dormitory: Where British Conservative gloves sleep.

Enormity: Big glove.

Extremity: A radical left wing, radical right wing, or radical Islamist
glove.

Frammit: Portrait of a glove.

Gammit: Homosexual glove.

Informitive: Glove that provides information.

Jammit: Jelly glove.

Normitive: Status quo glove.

Proximity: Nearby glove.

Primitive: Low tech glove.

Rammit: Male sheep glove.

Reformitory: Where criminal British Conservative gloves are imprisoned.

Resummit: To start the glove again.

Unanimity: Yes glove.

Unremittingly: Glove that doesn't give up, keeps right on going.

[nemo]

Post by Tim Bruening
Dormitory: Where British Conservative gloves sleep.
Enormity: Big glove.
Extremity: A radical left wing, radical right wing, or radical Islamist
glove.
Frammit: Portrait of a glove.
Gammit: Homosexual glove.
Informitive: Glove that provides information.
Jammit: Jelly glove.
Normitive: Status quo glove.
Proximity: Nearby glove.
Primitive: Low tech glove.
Rammit: Male sheep glove.
Reformitory: Where criminal British Conservative gloves are imprisoned.
Resummit: To start the glove again.
Unanimity: Yes glove.
Unremittingly: Glove that doesn't give up, keeps right on going.

What about the left one?

[Tim Bruening]

Quadrant: 4 ants.

Tenant: 10 ants.

Tridant: 3 ants.

Truant: A truly tardy ant.

[Tim Bruening]

Com-Mick: Funny man.

Environ-Mental: Crazy conservationist.

Regim-Mental: Crazy drill sergeant.

Senti-Mental: Crazy about the past.

Evo-Kate: Women who brings forth memories.

[nemo]

Post by Tim Bruening
Com-Mick: Funny man.
Environ-Mental: Crazy conservationist.
Regim-Mental: Crazy drill sergeant.
Senti-Mental: Crazy about the past.
Evo-Kate: Women who brings forth memories.

Katerer: She's gone into business doing the nosh for parties.

[Tim Bruening]

found

A farmer had a cow, Bessie. She was difficult, kicking over the

milk

pail and refusing to come in at night. Well, Bessie got pregnant.

After

she gave birth, she changed. "Bessie's really mellowed out," the
farmer told his wife. "What do you think happened?" "That's

easy," she

replied. "Don't you know, Bessie's been decalf-inated!"

How cheesy.

Udder nonsense.

Bulling for you ...

Bullying: A bell that harasses people and beats them up.

Bullyang: A bell that's very nice to people and tends to their wounds.

Equivo-Kate: Woman who can't decide.

Demar-Kate: Woman who sets boundries.

Fabri-Kate: Woman who fibs.

Facili-Tate: Man who makes things easier.

[nemo]

Post by Tim Bruening

found

A farmer had a cow, Bessie. She was difficult, kicking over the

milk

pail and refusing to come in at night. Well, Bessie got pregnant.

After

she gave birth, she changed. "Bessie's really mellowed out," the
farmer told his wife. "What do you think happened?" "That's

easy," she

replied. "Don't you know, Bessie's been decalf-inated!"

How cheesy.

Udder nonsense.

Bulling for you ...

Bullying: A bell that harasses people and beats them up.

Bullyang: A bell that's very nice to people and tends to their wounds.
Equivo-Kate: Woman who can't decide.
Demar-Kate: Woman who sets boundries.
Fabri-Kate: Woman who fibs.
Facili-Tate: Man who makes things easier.

Especially picture-hanging.

[Tim Bruening]

Ropy: Line of toilets.

Rosy: Line of oceans.

Rosy: Ocean of love flowers.

Sandy: Beach demon.

San D: Latino demon.

[nemo]

Post by Tim Bruening
Ropy: Line of toilets.
Rosy: Line of oceans.
Rosy: Ocean of love flowers.
Sandy: Beach demon.
San D: Latino demon.

San D A Go: A Latin American state prosecutor has been fired!

[Tim Bruening]

Opine: Fat tree.

Opine: Tree that offer comments on political issues.

Posy: Ocean of tall cylindrical objects.

Rusty: Iron oxide tea.

Rejuvenator: Arnold Schwarzenegger energizing people.

Rejuven-Nate: Man who suppiles the Elixir of Youth.

[Tim Bruening]

Crusty: Tea from the Earth's surface.

Cubit: Computer programs in line.

Curtsy: Canine ocean.

Cutest: Waiting in line to take an exam.

Debase: Where demon troops are housed.

[Tim Bruening]

Gaper: Price of a homosexual hooker.

Greenly: You look green, Lee. Are you sick?

Helper: Price of Satan's realm.

Parapet: Animal that assists the pets with pet degrees.

Plaited, Plated: Would you like to play, Ted?

[Tim Bruening]

Yo, rampage.

Yo, back.

Yoplait.

Yo, Gert!

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

If anybody makes that tired joke about being a
pirate and buccaneers, I will marry into their family.

Arrgh. Have ye heard about the price o' corn lately? It's up to a...

Aye, it's piracy on the high seeds!

If they sold it at exorbitant prices in Bond Street just coz upper class
twits shop in there, it'd be Daylight Snobbery!

If the prices get to exorbitant, those old biddies might use their
purses as weapons and commit Hi-Pay Clobbery!

Exorbitant: A space ant returned to Earth.

[nemo]

Post by Tim Bruening

Yo, rampage.

Yo, back.

Yoplait.

Yo, Gert!

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

If anybody makes that tired joke about being a
pirate and buccaneers, I will marry into their family.

Arrgh. Have ye heard about the price o' corn lately? It's up to a...

Aye, it's piracy on the high seeds!

If they sold it at exorbitant prices in Bond Street just coz upper class
twits shop in there, it'd be Daylight Snobbery!

If the prices get to exorbitant, those old biddies might use their
purses as weapons and commit Hi-Pay Clobbery!

Exorbitant: A space ant returned to Earth.

Mine!

Hard a-port . . . !

BANG!!!! Glug - glug - glug . . . . .

Too late!

[Tim Bruening]

On Thu, 22 Apr 2004 09:45:50 -0400, "Greg Evans"

Yeah. Beer does taste pretty bad. It's in its own category of bad
taste but I have generously added ales to that group as well since
beer and ale tastes the same.

Tsk. You poor fool.

Hey! I'm not poor!

Pouring: Low income, wet circle.

[Tim Bruening]

Subdew: Underwater soft drink.

Dew Ming: Vase for such a drink.

Subwoofer: Musical dog under the ocean.

[nemo]

Post by Tim Bruening
Subdew: Underwater soft drink.
Dew Ming: Vase for such a drink.
Subwoofer: Musical dog under the ocean.

Looks like the hyphen's dissolved again. It's . . .

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-----------woofer!

So there!

[Tim Bruening]

Curl Ling: A Chinese with bent hair.
Drumming: A percussion Chinese vase.
Goal Lee: Korean who guards the goal.
Pale Line: White Chinese.
Pail Ling: Chinese water container.

Curl Ling: What my teeth are doing looking at these!!!!

Curl Lee: Korean on the Harlem Globetrotters basketball team.

[nemo]

Post by Tim Bruening

Curl Ling: A Chinese with bent hair.
Drumming: A percussion Chinese vase.
Goal Lee: Korean who guards the goal.
Pale Line: White Chinese.
Pail Ling: Chinese water container.

Curl Ling: What my teeth are doing looking at these!!!!

Curl Lee: Korean on the Harlem Globetrotters basketball team.

Now aah gut maa neew herring aids, aah ken Harlem Globetrotters comin miles
away!

[Tim Bruening]

On Fri, 11 Feb 2005 16:42:52 GMT, peachy ashie passion

On Thu, 10 Feb 2005 10:22:19 GMT, "Douglas D. Anderson"

What is the most common illness in birds?
Flu.

This is not funny at all, flu actually is commonly
carried by domesticated ducks and chickens. Just
think of those poor Chinese farmers who are dying of
chicken borne influenza. Btw- Happy Chinese New Year!

I'm SARry for any offense produced by the above.

All those poor chickens farmers... if only they'd had
enough sense to move to California, they could have
learned to like tofu.

Tofu? YUCK!!! I'll have sushi instead.

One way to be guaranteed intestinal parasites.

Are they the kind that make you skinny?

i recommend bulimia for you, fatty.

Bulimia: Bovine that throws up.

[Tim Bruening]

Able: 1 bull.
Double: 2 bulls.
Parable: 2 more bulls.
Noble: Zero bulls.
Tremble: Bull at the San Andreas Fault.

Comfortable: To give Toro some solace when he is sad.
Inflatable: To pump up a bull who has gone flat.
Debatable: To argue with the damn thing.
Compatible: An invatation to enter the corral and show some affection.

Table: A bull to eat off of.

[Tim Bruening]

I've been a member of this group for a while now and realise I'm not the
only Nick.
So I'm now NOTTNICK.
:-)

So am I
Strange NotNick

Nottingham: Not a pig.

[Tim Bruening]

Baker: Pastry dog.

Gawker: Tourist dog.

Kayacker: Dog with oars.

Knocker: A door to door salesdog.

Panicker: Frightened dog.

[Tim Bruening]

SUB: Sports Utility Broom, flown by wealthy witches. I saw this pun

in

a Mother Goose and Grimm 2 years ago.
Pumpkin: Relative of a pump.
Halloweenie: Hallowed out hot dog.

Or what a very fat man can say without the aid of a mirror after he's

lost a

lot of weight!

Booting: Ghost bell or ringing ghost.

The werewolf baseball game was called on account of Moon.

That's bluemoon ridiculous!

Boo-Z: Zombie ghost or drunken ghost.

[Tim Bruening]

Congest: Against jokes.
Conquest: Against intellectual inquiry.
Digest: To die laughing.
Embed: M shaped sleeping furniture.

Any Old Iron: Rusty plate shaped like a chicken.

Rustic: Oxygenated iron parasite.

Rusting: Oxygenated iron bell.

Rusty: Oxygenated iron drink.

[Tim Bruening]

SPECIALTY PUNS OF THE WEAK 04-07-04
DAFFYNITIONS
Rebate: Putting a new worm on the hook (Stan Kegel)

Bating: Musical worm or body of water.

Rebating: Getting musical cash back, or putting a new musical worm on
the hook.

[Tim Bruening]

Cherché . . . . . la femme.
Bill

Alla Recherché de Tom Perdu (whoever he is!)
Very long book! About half a mile.

Context : book smuggled into prison
Subtext : tells how to operate a U-boat
Pretext : a draft copy
(Detects : removes the book)

Textile: Book on the floor.

That's one way to litera floor.

Litterate: A well read man who eats books and garbage.

[Tim Bruening]

Fragmit: A glove in pieces.

Fragment: Cement after a hammer-blow.
Fragmentation Grenade: Designed to blow Indians to bits. (Noah Fence)
Mills Bomb: What finally blew up a well-known Brit actor who did a huge
number of excellent war films.

Beamit: Buzzing glove, or a transporter glove.

There's no Scottie to work it now. :o(((((((((

Scottie: Beverage in a UK province?

[Tim Bruening]

Vulnerable: Easily defeated bull.
Trouble: Another mean bull.
Kabul: Afghan Bull.
Frantic: Excitable tic.
Romantic: A tic in love.
Rustic: Oxygenated iron tic.
Attic: A high tic.

Boydem attic puns will keep comin back!
Romantic: Flea on a Centurian.

Erratic: Parasite on a rodent ear.

[Tim Bruening]

Admit: Glove advertisement.
Admit: Mathematician's glove.
Emit: Computer glove.
Helmet: Satan's glove.
Kermit: Green glove that hops.
Limit: Constrictive glove.
Omit: Glove that isn't there.
Peppermint: Sneezing glove.
Permit: Price of a glove.
Remit: Put on your gloves again.
Spearmint: Sharp glove.
Submit: Neptune's glove.
Summit: Mountain top glove.
Summit: Another mathematician's glove.
Testament: Biblical glove.

Kermit: Frog's glove.
Thermit: Very hot glove.
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=thermit in case you've forgot
already.
Limit: Glove that fits all four extremities.
Transmit: Unisex glove.

Hermit: Woman's glove.

Kermit: Canine glove.

Purmit: Feline glove.

[Tim Bruening]

Absently: Missing Korean penny.
Arrogantly: Bold, aggressive Korean.
Decently: Nice Korean penny.
Presently: A Korean is here.
Recently: A Korean penny in the near past.

Yor really makin a Korea outa this, aincha!?

A Huntington's Korea.

Musical furniture: Bedding, Chairing, Lighting, and Seating.

[Tim Bruening]

Concord: Against ropes.

Layering: Ring that engages in sex.

[Tim Bruening]

Mopping: Bell used to clean up messes. Sweeping is another such bell.

Napping: Another sleeping bell.

Padding: Soft bell.

Parting: Bell that leaves.

Patting: St Patrick's Day bell.

[Tim Bruening]

Bombard: Explosive poet.

Bombay: Explosive body of water.

Surrender: A Butcher Knight.

Surveil: A curtain Knight.

[Tim Bruening]

Moron Nick: A stupid man.

Neutron Nick: A chargeless man.

Preg Nancy: A woman expecting.

[nemo]

Post by Tim Bruening
Moron Nick: A stupid man.
Neutron Nick: A chargeless man.
Preg Nancy: A woman expecting.

Expectin: A jar of jam after all the thickener has been removed.

[Tim Bruening]

Seamer: Redundant ocean.

Reemer: Ocean again.

[Tim Bruening]

Gaper: Price of a homosexual hooker.

Greenly: You look green, Lee. Are you sick?

Helper: Price of Satan's realm.

Parapet: Animal that assists the pets with pet degrees.

Plaited, Plated: Would you like to play, Ted?

[nemo]

Post by Tim Bruening
Gaper: Price of a homosexual hooker.
Greenly: You look green, Lee. Are you sick?
Helper: Price of Satan's realm.
Parapet: Animal that assists the pets with pet degrees.

Baluster: Classical dancer often found on parapets.

Post by Tim Bruening
Plaited, Plated: Would you like to play, Ted?

[Tim Bruening]

Com-Mick: Funny man.

Environ-Mental: Crazy conservationist.

Regim-Mental: Crazy drill sergeant.

Senti-Mental: Crazy about the past.

Evo-Kate: Women who brings forth memories.

[nemo]

Post by Tim Bruening
Com-Mick: Funny man.
Environ-Mental: Crazy conservationist.
Regim-Mental: Crazy drill sergeant.
Senti-Mental: Crazy about the past.
Evo-Kate: Women who brings forth memories.

Evo-Stik: Glue.

Ebo Stik: Glue that held the Nigerian Army together.

[Tim Bruening]

Static: Electric tic.
Dramatic: Tic in a play.
Lunatic: Insane tic.
Ticker: Dog parasite.
Fleecing: Singing parasite.

If crabs were part of creation, then Adam and Eve were lousy.
That's why they had to Flea from Eden.
Adam was heard to say, "That really bugged me."
Eve said, "I think we both have something to crab about."

I thought that they were done in by a snake, not a crab.

Smitten: Snake glove.

Smutt: Snake dog.

Drui-Dick: Pagan penis.

Dyna-Mick: Energetic Irish man.

Edu-Kate: Woman school teacher.

Hispan-Nick: Man from Latin America.

[nemo]

Post by Tim Bruening
Concord: Against ropes.

Except when it's bobbin up and down on a trampoline.

Trampoline: Ointment for treating sores on vagrants.

Post by Tim Bruening
Layering: Ring that engages in sex.

[nemo]

Post by Tim Bruening

Cherché . . . . . la femme.
Bill

Alla Recherché de Tom Perdu (whoever he is!)
Very long book! About half a mile.

Context : book smuggled into prison
Subtext : tells how to operate a U-boat
Pretext : a draft copy
(Detects : removes the book)

Textile: Book on the floor.

That's one way to litera floor.

Litterate: A well read man who eats books and garbage.

Narr. It's how much it costs for a swede-roper to sweep a street.

[nemo]

Post by Tim Bruening

SPECIALTY PUNS OF THE WEAK 04-07-04
DAFFYNITIONS
Rebate: Putting a new worm on the hook (Stan Kegel)

Bating: Musical worm or body of water.
Rebating: Getting musical cash back, or putting a new musical worm on
the hook.

Heheheheheheeeeee! I bet it's a ragworm then!

[nemo]

Post by Tim Bruening
Baker: Pastry dog.
Gawker: Tourist dog.
Kayacker: Dog with oars.
Knocker: A door to door salesdog.
Panicker: Frightened dog.

Picnicker: Frightened road-mender.

[nemo]

Buckingham: Rebellious actor.
Buckingham: Rodeo pig.
Howitzer: Machine gun knight.

Listen ear. A Howitzer is like a huge mortar. It fires large shells up and
over the enemy's defences. It's nuffinck like a machine gun. So there!
Innit!

Trouser: Knight of pants.

Did teh pants have pom-poms on them?

[nemo]

Yesterday, I fell through a rotating black hole.
Well, I couldn't Kerr less.

Kerr: A cosmic dog?

Because Mick says so?

[nemo]

Post by Tim Bruening
Crusty: Tea from the Earth's surface.
Cubit: Computer programs in line.
Curtsy: Canine ocean.
Cutest: Waiting in line to take an exam.
Debase: Where demon troops are housed.

Shurley that's Dybbarracks?

[Nemo]

Post by Tim Bruening
Concord: Against ropes.
Layering: Ring that engages in sex.

Iyyy thought that was a Huber Ring! A mechanical version of Viagra!

[Tim Bruening]

War-ming: Hostile Chinese vase or hot Chinese vase.

Hostile: Aggressive fence.

Fencing: Singing barrier.

[Tim Bruening]

War-ming: Hostile Chinese vase or hot Chinese vase.

Hostile: Aggressive fence.

Fencing: Singing barrier.